Knight Rider - The Movie

Wow, I can't believe that writing about this wasn't at the top of my list. Rated 9, 9, once again 9!
It's been a long time since I've actively booed and hurled things at the screen, but seriously... monkeys throwing feces on a wall until the poo dripped into the shape of words could have come up with better dialogue, especially for the 29-year-old accomplished female professor... whose father still considers her less to keep track of her life than the stoner neighbor he hasn't seen in 10 years. Comparatively, "Battlefield Earth" is the gem L. Ron Hubbard claims it to be. oohhh, my head hurts.

Harold & Kumar: Guantanamo Bay

OMG, I almost PEED myself with laughter...
I mean, I liked "H&K: White Castle" just fine, but when I read that this one was not as good, it didn't remain at the top of my list of things to see.
Why would I be so enamored of a stoner movie? Probably b/c Kal Penn is not a stoner. Anything involving Seth Rogen? Looks pathetic. "Jay & Silent Bob"? Whatever. "Dazed & Confused"? Man, i hated that thing. (I did, however, totally dig "Dude, Where's My Car" - which I think of as more as "dumb kid" a la "Bill & Ted" than "stoner".)
This movie swam brilliantly through all of the stereotypes of "otherness". I haven't laughed this hard since... I don't remember when... (Last time I remember laughing like this was "Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy", which wasn't as overall good.) Rated 3+.

Baby Mama

Despite the presence of the Greg Kinnear (the cinematic equivalent of Kenny G), I enjoyed this film immensely. I worried that it might be too ya-ya-sisterhoody... but no. Solidly funny and sidestepping all the potholes that make "chickflicks" so pussy. I should have more faith in you, Tina Fey. I can't decide whose talent/ career I envy more: Tina Fey or Samantha Bee... (If I had idols...) My gut feeling is to say SB, because her political commentaries consistently rock my world. And she has the Canadian thing going for her... but it may just be b/c I've seen more of SB. (Thank you, dailyshow.com.) TF is certainly doing a lot to generally increase the tolerance/ acceptance of "female content" into the heart of mainstream comedy, while also significantly smartening it up. Thank you, ladies.
But I digress... "Baby Mama" is no "Citizen Kane", but it's certainly one of the better disposable comedies I've seen in recent memory. I laughed and laughed (and don't remember a real cringe). Rated 3-.

300

This movie, however, I found to be *complete* crap.
I hated how it looked (brown video game), how it sounded (LOUD!), and couldn't have cared less about the plot (so I walked out).
I especially hate when ultra-testosterone movies try to wedge in a totally out-of-place female character. The SPARTAN mother is going to get all weepy when her son is taken to train for battle? Really? A SPARTAN mother? Yeah, that wispy chick whose presence is accompanied by Enya music. *That* SPARTAN mother.
I've heard that back in that time in history a woman was three times more likely to die in childbirth than a guy was to be killed in battle. In SPARTA, this should mean for one badass lady. Not some lame Arwen wannabe. (But you gotta appease the chicks who who heart their "i"s, who were dragged to watch this turd on a date...)
I also hated the battle scenes, which digitally throw on the battlefield the entire population of Greece. Believable. Yeah.
...but at least it was LOUD!
All this to make our soldiers feel manlier and more just? (When I couldn't help but to think that the Persians had the cooler work ethic.)
Rated 9. Sorry, folks.

Transformers: The New Movie

...because I couldn't even make it through the first half hour of that animated fiasco!
This movie has all of the elements that I hate in big movies: Corny dialog, racial caricature and stereotype, a super-reliance on special effects, a female lead whose *sole* purpose in the film is to witness the greatness of the otherwise-lame male lead, a 24-year-old high-level FBI hot-female scientist as *the* other female presence (besides mom), and even the Magic Negro. (Oh - and why did they even try to say that they were in "Las Vegas" while featuring the obvious features of the LA skyline?)
... despite this, I didn't really hate the movie. The actor playing the male lead was quite sympathetic, even. (I hear that he tried to channel George McFly, so that definitely worked for him.) I wasn't so disgusted that I couldn't at least acknowledge that I would *totally* be into this movie if I were a 13-year-old rich white boy.
Not to say that the movie wasn't crap, but you could do worse than to earn my near-neutrality: Rated 6.

The Golden Compass

While I was reading the book, I kept wondering how on earth (or an alternate universe) they could possibly turn this into a movie. Not just in a "Lord of the Rings"-too-many-storylines-to-decide way, but because so much of the book is based on internal emotions and perceptions.
All in all, I think that they did a pretty fair job of translating it to the screen. Even though none of the characters (except for Lyra) looked *anything* like how I imagined them. They had so much 'action' to pack in that they were deftly able to keep it out of the internal realm. I suspect, though, that it goes too fast if you haven't read the book - much the same (but not as extreme) as the third Harry Potter movie (after the two dreadfully ssslllooowww ones) whipped you through at a crazy pace.
I was most disappointed by The bear fight, which turned a *brilliant* moment in the book into a scene straight out of "Back to the Future" (which is one of my all-time faves, but that doesn't make altering a story to quote it ok).
I also expected the movie to go on for at least one more scene. It ended completely differently than the book. Changing some things was fine, even expected in the Hollywood canon, but this major change left me completely confused (not to mention eliminating a great cliff-hanger).
I hear that box office receipts were disappointing, so they might not continue making the series, which would be a shame. I'd continue to watch, even when it's rated 4.

Wall-E

The best movie I have seen in years, I think.
What's amazing is that the first third is, essentially, a silent movie. Then, for the next 20 minutes, there are no more than three or so words exchanged. It's only in the last third that there is any dialogue. Usually, I'm a words girl. The plot has to be reeeally well-executed for me to have any interest in a low-dialogue production. But this was amazing.
It will probably never make the Rated 1 in my book (which cannot happen in the first viewing) because the end is a *little* bit too glossy, but it comes really close. So good. Rated 2.

Batman: The Dark Knight

Babygoat playing in daycare while I'm not working for one day has given Mr.Goat and me the unbelievable luxury of free time, which the desert heat dictates that I should spend in a nice, air conditioned theatre, instead of shoveling concrete in the backyard (which would be the practical alternative).
I was pleasantly surprised to enjoy this movie. After years of dreck being thrown from the graphic novel to the screen, I am so very, very turned-off to 'comic book' movies... To the best of my recollection, I haven't really liked one since the first "Spiderman". There were a few that I didn't wholly *dislike*, but nothing that I consider "good". ...but i whatever ads I saw didn't look too horrible, we had the time, and at the very least I could ogle (the very talented) Christian Bale. Yet even though this episode in the series did not contain any Bale-push-up workout scenes, I actually liked it.
A few things I did *not* like: 1) turning the Joker into "a freak who wears makeup". This is not what the Joker is. He has a backstory (as instable as it may be). I know how hard it is to make a bad guy have pathos and still be a bad guy, but his pigmentation is one constant of his character. Blah. 2) The movie was about 30 minutes too long. They could have split the whole 2-face conflict into a separate movie. Instead, I found myself thinking, "omg, ANOTHER fight?" about two story arcs before the end of the show. Really, they didn't need any additional explosions or vehicles. Blah-blah.
Despite these flaws (kudos for at least having the token female in an advanced stage of her career at least looking like she's in her 30s), at some point, I actually thought "this is what I had wished the movie in 1989 had been like". Rated 3.

Juno

I liked this movie. I'm not sure that I bought a 20-year-old in the role of a 16-year-old... it made her, by nature, a bit more comfortable in he snarkiness than I'm willing to give for even a self-assured high schooler, while her not-boyfriend was so much more believable as a person... but I guess that was supposed to be the point... In the end, what I really loved was the ending. I feared that it might go into the saccharine happy-ending of, say, Saved! ...but it did not... which is rare. I especially liked that even though the man-with-power blew things because he has the maturity of a 16-year-old, it didn't stop the women from getting what they needed out of the situation. Not groundbreaking in style, but unusually satisfying as a story. Brava. (Rated 3+)

Sweeney Todd

Speaking of annoying ingenues, I forgot (rather, have been too busy) to write a blurb about this film (among others). What can I say? Every character that survived this comedic gore-fest, I personally wanted to slay. If this were the Toledo Rep's casting, I'd understand, but Tim Burton has access to a much deeper talent pool. Even Sasha Baron Cohen and Alan Rickman couldn't elevate the film out of the cutesy morass. Another reminder that - after years of being deceived by "Nightmare Before Xmas" - it is not Tim Burton whose talent I envy so much as Henry Selick's. Lest I sound too negative, I *did* like the film more than I thought I would, not being the biggest Sondheim afficionado (or scholar). I appreciated some nicely-structured bits of stage-to-film, and the singing wasn't abysmal. Besides the slay-worthy young, Tim Burton really needs to shuffle up his casting, however, I really had enough of Helena BC about fifteen years ago, and Johnny Depp's rep doesn't have *that* much redemptive power, let alone time and again. She does do "crazy" pretty well, though, I must say. Rated 4/5

Eastern Promises

I was interested to see this after listening to an interview with Viggo Mortensen about the role of language (and accent) in his acting process. I wasn't disappointed, but the plot was too similar to the last Cronenberg/Mortensen film I saw: instead of a bad guy pretending to be "good", however, Viggo plays a "good" guy pretending to be bad.
I realize that I am becoming very squeamish in my old age. I can't seem to stomach much violence anymore, and this was Sopranosesque at times. (Makes sense, since it's a mob movie... just a different ethnic diaspora.)
In summary, the acting and directing was good. A good movie, yet still somehow forgettable. Rated 3/4

The Bourne Ultimatum

uh-oh... it was a few weeks ago I saw this, and already I remember very little. I suppose it was better than average, but that's not a good sign to be so forgettable. I remember being less impressed by the use of more technology (especially cell phones). Seemed a bit "Alias" like that. And to have hopelessly ensnared a mostly-innocent person in his flight seemed very deja vu... Rated 5+.

Sicko

OK, I'm ready to defect to another country.
No, seriously.

My life rocks in recent years. I really have everything to be thankful for, but I have also lived on the other side and know just how lucky I am. How we treat the rabble of uninsured is one issue, but this movie isn't even about the uninsured. It's about those who pay into the system and the American way of life and still end up screwed over/ dead. If you're lucky to have a network of some affluence, you might have some theoretical support on a personal level (if you're not too proud to beg), but we as Americans are by and large simply horrible to each other. But how can we help but be when we have to look after our own interests so closely?

Several days ago, I was listening to a story on Fresh Air (NPR) about a father and son who had written books about the son's battle with drug addiction. In recovery, the son discovered that what he really needed was just anti-depressants, not crystal meth. Apparently, 80% of drug addicts are suspected to be self-medicating for psychological disorders. I wonder if we had nationalized health care, and if we had doctors who earned bonuses based on the quality of attention doted on their patients, if it wouldn't affect the "war on drugs"... It would certainly help stem the feelings of exclusion and hopelessness that lead to violent outbursts , so we could stop being so bloody afraid of each other... (I'd pay an extra 10% in taxes to not have to read about another school shooting, but maybe that's just me...)

...but i digress...

I've lived abroad and already know how much better the quality of life is for folks in other developed countries. Halfway through the film, I found myself looking around the room and seriously asking myself if I could abandon all the great stuff I have (I do like my stuff) to live around other dirty socialists, and I found myself honestly replying: "If the weather is still nice? If I could have an equally awesome job? Absolutely."

Enter the Dragon

I expected this to be a crappy action movie, but I was interested in watching it after hearing the
soundtrack from the next room. Between that and the dude with the big 'fro, I expected it to be a blacksploitation piece, with at least a lot of camp entertainment value. ...but it actually wasn't bad as a movie. The choreography was very real and well-designed. I watched a very poorly-derived vhs print, so I have to wonder if the film had higher production values than it appeared. If it was originally made well and a print can be cleaned up, however, it's a keeper in the action canon. The foley editors obviously had a little too much fun with the sound effects and post-dubbing, making it cornier than it needed to be... but it was a fun romp. Rated 3/4.

Outfoxed

Why I am such a bad American? Because movies like this one are true. The more Fox you watch, the more falsely informed you are... yet those same people think themselves the truest, bluest patriots. We're going to H*** in a handbasket, but the journey has nothing to do w/ gay marriage. Whachagonnado? 'fraid nothin' can be done... Rated 3.

Capote

Internal, quiet, intricate... Capote didn't blow me away, but it was good. I'd read the book ("In Cold Blood") several years back but didn't know that it was supposed to be so groundbreaking. It's so common nowadays. Yes, good performances, nicely understated... Rated 4+

Zoot Suit

A little bit "Cabaret", a little bit "Chicago", and a little bit "Fight Club... An original narrative, if not much as a musical. (Only the narrator ever sings, and only a few songs at that.) Taught me something, as I had no idea that "Zoot Suit" was a racist term for Latinos. I had only heard the term used, I think, in Billy Holiday's autobiography... Rated 4.

The Short Films of David Lynch

A pleasant DVD surprise. The film historian in me especially enjoyed the introductions before each film.
1 Six Figures Getting Sick (Six Times) 2+. surreal art piece. i'd stop and watch it at a museum.
2 The Alphabet 4/5... eh.
3 The Grandmother 4/5. reminds me of what I remember of "The Wall" for some reason.
4 The Amputee... did not want to look right on my tv. can't comment. dragged, though.
5 The Cowboy and the Frenchman 2+. Hi-LARIOUS!
6 Premonitions Following an Evil Deed 2. beautiful idea. very interesting to watch

Rifftrax - Star Wars III, Revenge of the Sith

Rifftrax introduces this movie with the description that it is known as the least offensive of the three Star Wars prequel films (and goes on to humorously detail analogies for what, exactly, this means). And I recall that when I saw this in the theatres I felt the same way and almost liked it. Watching it again, however, it's really quite boring. I'm sure somebody out there has analyzed the content in the form of a pie chart, and it has *got* to be 90% special effect battles and/or really dull exposition to drag us along the dull, dull plot. I remember before thinking that the final light saber duel was pretty cool, but now I just couldn't care about yet another fight, and that moody, moody boy. But nothing in particular stands out as particularly offensive (except the incongruity in the later movies that Leia 'barely' remembers her mother when Luke asks, where in this case Luke knew her for about thirty seconds more than her). It merely bores me to neutrality. Rated 5.

Kiss of the Dragon

Watching this movie, I was thinking: Wow, this is like The Transporter. It's like somebody got together a bunch of stylized actors who can't act at all and who barely speak English, but they look cool, and their lack of speaking skills won't be recognized in most of the world. It really sucks, but the nifty choreography is what most viewers are going to remember, so people are going to say that it's pretty good. Which it isn't. At all.
Surprise, surprise, the screenplay of this piece of dreck was same as The Transporter.
Yet, the fight scenes *were* well-choreographed and filmed (much more seamlessly than The Transporter, actually, and other movies have offended my delicate sensibilities much more than this turd. And, on the bright side, when the big, ripped black man appeared out of nowhere to gratuitously rip off his shirt (in an obvious desperate ploy to expand the film's demographic)... well, I haven't laughed so vigorously at the screen since that dagger nearly pierced Tom Cruise's eye in Mission Impossible II. Rated 8. (I'd give it an 8+, but on principal I just can't bring myself to associate a "plus" with this film.)