MST3K - Eegah

This has to be the worst film I have ever seen, taking over the spot previously occupied by "The Big Hit". At least I can see *why* somebody would go to see "The Big Hit", even though it is a heaping turd of a film. Perhaps they like Mr. Wahlberg, or they like special effects, or they think that it is effective as a parody... After several days of contemplation, however, I can find absolutely no redeeming qualities to "Eegah". I honestly don't see why anybody would ever watch it, except maybe the (uglier than the caveman) male protagonist's mother. (His father already directed, produced, and starred in it, which explains how it got made.) Never would watching this film be an act of free will. Never, ever, ever. Rated 9.

The Right Stuff

I didn't realize until I went to the Houston Space Center this past summer just how far behind we were in the Space Race. I grew up thinking that our space program was a crowning achievement in our glory. So, watching this, I'm wondering why the Russians don't have a movie called "The Righter Stuff". They were always one step ahead of us, until the moon landing. (I now also understand why there are so many conspiracies about that.) As if my patriotism isn't weak enough.
As I occasionally do, I had problems watching this movie. Too many guys who look alike. I can't keep track. Except for the blond John Glenn. My illustrious former-senator must have had input on the script, as this movie canonized him, while portraying the other astronauts as supremely flawed (but still good old American heroes!). I also didn't necessarily understand what Yeager had to do with anything. His story was interesting (perhaps more so than the other guys'), but without his side-story the film would not have lasted 3 hours.
Still, the film was far better than average. Good suspense (although manly jokes are pretty weak) 3/4.

Cirque du Soleil - Love

This could have been a "1". Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Didn't. The music is *incredible*, and not just because it is The Beatles. The creativity of the remix and the stereo experience is a true feat of genius. The scenic design is superbly complex. The show itself has awe-inspiring moments. (When "Good Night" popped from the darkness, tears almost came to my eyes.) ...but there are also a few superfluous, unoriginal numbers. Too many dancing galoshes. The trampoline act is the same as the skater act (which was cool, but not enough for a reprise). The other Cirque show I saw years ago was much more gymnastic/ athletic and varied. I hear that they tweak all the time, though, and I'd see it again (if I were rich). Rated 2-

Simpsons - Season 7

Bart on the Road - I remember my best friend having a poster of that big Space Needle, and when I see this episode, I actually want to see it. I bet it's not there anymore, huh? 4+

22 Short Films about Springfield - Nice floating twists and turns. And I like "Pulp Fiction" references. 2-.

Raging Abe Simpson - Fairly forgettable, but violently so. 4-.

Much Apu About Nothing - I love the PhD punch card gag. An apparently timeless plotline. 3+

Homerpalooza - Have I mentioned how I don't care if Homer's fatness is exaggerated, or if he is beat up? A lot of good gags, though. Like shooting fish in a barrel. 2-.

Simpsons - Season 8

Treehouse of Horror VII - I especially like "The Genesis Tub", but I've seen "Citizen Kang" one too many times. 2-

You Only Move Twice - This goes up in rank as I learn more useless Bond trivia. 2-

The Homer They Fall - I believe I've mentioned how I don't care when Homer gets fat or beat up. 4+

Burns, Baby Burns - And I care even less about Rodney Dangerfield. 4

Bart After Dark - Maybe I'd care more if I had seen "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas". 4

A Milhouse Divided - Homer actually does something sweet without f***ing up. Lots of funny gags related to Milhouse's mom. Poor Milhouse. 3+.

Lisa's Date With Density - Hard to go wrong when you start with a "Back to the Future" pun. Plot slightly pat, but fun. 3-.

Hurricane Neddy - eh. 4

The New World

What better way to get the horrid taste of cinepoo from your mouth than with a cool draught of Christian Bale? The movie is very European in its pacing... which means "slow". I have an internal struggle with such films, as my life never runs at such a pace. If people talked and reacted like this in real life around me, I would sit there rotating my hand... "yeessss? come ON already!" But a stream of stunning cinematography and delicate plot layering lead me through with little complaint. The story was well-thought-out and lovely, the acting was sensual, and the title was as deep and multi-faceted as the characters (even - gasp! - the leading lady). Rated 2-.

The Fast & The Furious 3: Tokyo Drift

Right on the heels of "The Phantom Menace", I'm forced to trod through this turd. (And somehow I doubt that I missed any important points in the second installation of the series.) In its favor, I rather enjoyed the soundtrack. And some of the cinematography and special effects were very impressive in their styling. I could even (try to) overlook how female characters serve as vapid arm candy chattel, if that were my main complaint. But the "acting" ranks as some of the *worst* I have ever experienced. I was absolutely shocked to hear that the lead male has multiple credits to his name. He makes Mark Wahlberg look like Olivier. At least "The Phantom Menace" tried to follow a cohesive thread of plot (albeit a boring one). Rated 8-.

Rifftrax: The Phantom Menace

As a Star Wars afficionado, I remember waiting for this movie to come out. (I even liked the 'new, improved' versions of the original series at the time.) The reviews were tepid, and money was tight, and it was still a big deal for me to pay the big bucks to see the film at the Ziegfield Theater in NYC. As they say, the journey is more important than the destination... particularly so in the case of this film. Embarrassingly bad. But when you add the talent of the folks from MST3K to the mix, you get me willing to waste another two hours of my life. Thanks to Rifftrax, at least I had fun at the destination. But I had forgotten just *how bad* the movie really is. I mean, it had the velocity to stop my decades of enjoyment of the entire franchise: Rated 8. And that may be tinged with generosity. (Why does nobody else seem to note how Lucas stole JarJar's pathetic shtick from "Full House's" Stephanie Tanner?)

Star Trek Misc Klingon

Barge of the Dead - Star Trek does religious investigation well. Exploring the inner conflict between science and mythology always proves as interesting a journey as finding new lands. Or maybe it's just me. 2-

A Matter of Honor - All the force where it should be, all the jokes where they belong, and an all-around enjoyable episode. A bit cliche in the concept, but well-executed. 3+

The Sword of Kahless - One ring to rule them all! Now, with 99% less hugging. 3-

Misc Star Trek Enterprise

Judgement - Neither inventive nor original, but not as annoying as that first episode. The writing could have been better to make the lawyer's quick turn-around more believable. Rated 5-.

These are the V0yages - The final episode, and I didn't miss out on anything from not having seen the series. Probably because it is more like a ST:TNG episode. Which makes it better. Even though the actors are obviously ten years older. Rated 4+

First Flight - Flashback of schmalzy testosteresque good ol' boy nostalgia. Still not as annoying as the first episode, and at least the camera didn't focus on T'Pol's breasts the entire time she was on screen. Rated 5.

Garden Junk

I have several books about garage sales, "creative" interior decoration, functional "recycling", etc. But this book lives up to its name. When she says "junk", this lady means rusty old chairs, old wooden crap with peeling paint, natty painting reproductions, and the like. All of the shabby, none of the chic. Shabby chic is not my style, but I could at least find some redeeming qualities in this book if it detailed some creative uses for ugly crap. This book, however, consists mostly of pictures of crappy crap piled on crappy tables in various areas of this lady's junk-filled yard (affectionately dubbed "The Garden Hutte", but with no whimsy to follow). The sparse text goes something like this: "Can you believe I paid $50 for this rusty old wheelbarrow? I have thirty of them, but I can always use another! I can't believe I passed one by in 1982 at my favorite salvage store!" No, I can't believe that you *took* that rustbucket into your yard, and that you have no more creative ideas for it than to collect some rusty watering cans in it. And this book has others in its series? Oyyy, this lady knows somebody important to be so well-published.... Very rare to see this: Rated 9.

Northern Exposure - Season 3 (9 episodes)

Lacking much time, I have to rely on memory and summary here:
In general, the series ebbed this season but is beginning to flow again. I do, however, miss the dream sequences. And I find Chris really annoying. It makes me reflect on my college experience: I originally watched NE b/c I heard that it was created by some dude from Hampshire College. Chris is obviously *the* archetypal Hampshire student, and I probably used to like his character a lot. In theory, I still don't have all much bock with the dirty philo-hippie type, but he annoys me b/c of the way he discredits the system and eschews 'formal education'. If you went to Hampshire, you still had some formal education, dude. A pretty expensive one, at that, and you probably weren't so smart when you went in. *And* folks in a real town just don't converse anything like that. But I digress.
"The Body in Question" 5-
"Roots" 6+
"A-Hunting We Will Go" 6+
"Get Real" 3+
"Seoul Mates" (not so original a plotline anymore) 4-
"Dateline: Cicely" 5
"Our Tribe" 2-
"Things Become Exinct" 4
"Burning Down the House" 4-

Eragon

Based on my only being able to plod through about five pages of the book upon which it was based, I expected this film to be pretty darn horrible. So, I had a bottle of wine on hand to aid the viewing experience. ...which helped greatly.
While the plot is absolutely derivative of Star Wars (Uncle Ben! Obi Wan!), Lord of the Rings, and the Earthsea Trilogy (read that, instead), it did feature some pretty decent special effects (and minimal cheesy ones), and a really cute baby dragon (which was conveniently allowed to bypass puberty in the flap of a wing). Nevertheless, the plot and characters did not stray from logic and character for the sake of drama as much as many blockbusters do and thus did not offend my sensibilities *nearly* as much as, say, Spiderman 3.
I don't know why everybody was so impressed by it being written by a seventeen year old, though. It *obviously* was written by a seventeen year old. There's not a shred of originality in town, and the plot pivots on the notion that dragons (the only ladies around) cannot live without their riders, but the riders can live on without their dragons. (Oh, to live the fantasy life a seventeen year old white boy!) If it were a book, I would have thrown "Eragon" the movie across the room like I did "Return of the King".
Still -- merci au vin -- it was not as bad as I reckoned it would be. Rated 6-.

Jane Eyre (1970)

Dang, there are lots of versions of this fine novel. While I agree that the actors were *really* too old, I didn't find this version as bad as these "experts". (Granted, I have otherwise only seen the Orson Welles version.) I appreciated how Jane asserted herself as an equal and how this adaptation presented more of Jane's life after Thornwood. And the acting showed (the) depth (of inappropriate age). The '70s TV production values were somewhat of a distraction, but this is probably the only time I have noted restraint in over-orchestrating from the noted composer. Rated 4.

Orca, The Killer Whale

You know, I thought that this movie would be complete crap. I figured that it would be a "Jaws" ripoff (not that I've seen "Jaws"). It certainly wasn't terribly good, but it certainly had its own story, and it wasn't a horror flick. Interspecies melodrama involving fishing boats on the high seas... "Free Willy" may have stolen a page or two from this flick. It was nice to see Richard Harris in a non-mumbling role, and the (not Bo Derrick) female character was not 100% disposable (by 70s standards). Rated 5-

Help!

I know that "A Hard Days Night" is a cinematically superior film, but I've always had a soft spot for "Help!" Perhaps it is because it was so difficult to come across in my formative years. (A recurring theme waiting for the DVD.) But the goofy comedy has always given me a thrill.
Finally on DVD, the image is restored to its colorful glory. (Watching the appropriate "Anthology" episode, featuring pre-renovation clips, concurrently really drove this home.) I wished that it had had more special features, however. A few little documentaries hardly seemed worth the extra disc... The documentaries were fair enough, but I'd've thought that there would have been more in the vaults to bring forth for the fans. Even the "lost scene" is a misnomer. No scene here. Just discussion of it interspersed with some stills. *sigh*
Film: Rated 2

Beatles Anthology - Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Part 2: British Beatlemania, Rated 2
Part 3: US Beatlemania, Rated 2
Part 4: through Help!, Rated 2

I was not in the country when this series was shown on TV, and the thing that strikes me most watching the DVDs is how much *music* there is. Yes, they're a musical group, but I've never seen such a thing so close to music videos (not integral to a plot) on Prime Time. Especially with the end credits, I wonder if they actually showed the whole thing (as opposed to the usual, where the credits are squeezed into a portion of the screen while a voiceover blots out the music).
I also appreciate the even-handedness showing Beatlemania in other parts of the globe. I am so used to hearing that The Beatles were nothing, really, until they broke it big in America. We may have accepted them as superpowers, but really we were just late to catch the phenomenon.

Beatles Anthology - Part 1

To present a documentary of The Beatles is a big order. It took decades before they were ready to reflect on the tumultuous times. It was particularly problematic that John couldn't have presented his opinions in interviews current with those of the rest of the group. Culling appropriate 'answers' from interviews past didn't really make a level playing field (John, especially, had different tones and opinions in the different eras in his life), but it's the best they could do. The first part in the series does an admirable job presenting and condensing the first 20 years of the Lads' lives. I wish that they had released a CD with the music that had inspired them. More than just a ten second skiffle clip would be great, especially of the obscure (to me) stuff. Rated 2.

DS9 - The Way of the Warrior

From what I've seen of the series, I'm not the biggest fan of Deep Space 9. It seems much more soap opera than episodic (or even scientific) compared to the previous Star Trek series. Since I've seen "choice" episodes singularly, I need a lot of filling in to understand what is going on and who is what. It also seems much more TV than the others... ST:TNG, in particular, often impresses me with its cinematic quality despite the small screen format.
I also don't appreciate how the script will often say, "Captain - you'd better come and see what's here on the radar!" vs. "Captain, come to the bridge. Radar has just revealed a swarm of Klingons!"... which would save some time on the ship, but I guess isn't as suspenseful on a Sunday afternoon.
That being said, this episode presented an admirable internal conflict of Worf's Klingon roots. Although I was thinking that the Changeling sweep at the beginning or the security guard's explanation in the bar of how Changelingness worked would prove important to the plot at a later point. Rated 4.

A Bunch of Simpsons Episodes - Season 7

Sketchy recollections, as the smoke seems to be influencing my memory. And it doesn't help when several days pass between viewing and blogging.

Bart the Fink - I enjoy when a series of events begins with something completely unrelated ($100 from a will enables Bart to get a checkbook, hence Krusty fakes his death.) Good stuff 2/3.

Lisa the Iconoclast - I like Lisa as an iconoclast and amateur historian, but I don't like cheesy endings just to keep the status quo. Rated 3/4.

Homer the Smithers - Enjoyable plotline. Homer as the lovable dolt isn't my favorite thread, but it was fun to see clips of Smithers on vacation and Mr. Burns behind the scenes. Rated 4+.

The Day the Violence Died - Do Lester & Eliza ever appear again? The rivalry reminds me of Maggie's baby nemesis and thus not terribly original. I've always liked the Schoolhouse Rock parody, however. Rated 4+.

A Fish Called Selma - Any appearance of Jub-Jub brightens my day. And the episode seems quite timely. The American culture's peak obsession of celebrity and its shams and stunts makes you question if any of it is real. Rated 3.

American Dreamz

With wildfires raging outside, I needed some very fluffy entertainment, and this delivered. The personality impersonations were quite amusing, and there were many decent jokes. I have no idea why they had the "Jewish" contestant, however, as he did nothing for the plot (another character would have better served it), and the 'novelty act' part was already taken. (He did, however, look a lot like my brother.) The ending was pretty lame, but I really expected nothing (as I do from American Idol), so I'll give it a rating of 4-.

Orgazmo - Unrated

I've gotten used to Trey Parker looking so bitter and paunchy that I was surprised to see him looking so Faux-Mormon-Good-Looking in this film. I guess he had to work out for the fight scenes... and now, clearly, he does not.
I'd seen this movie before (not the unrated - but I couldn't honestly tell the difference), but I guess it was a few years ago now. I had no idea.
I like the movie a lot. I laughed and laughed. There were many brilliant moments. But then there were many moments where it *could have* been brilliant, and they just didn't take that extra step. Which keeps it roadblocked at rated 3.

Northern Exposure - Season 3 (Two Episodes)

Animals R Us -- Did Quentin Tarantino guest write this episode? He's known for writing not how people talk. I went to film school, and I, apparently, am not able to opine half as much on cinematic esoterica as the people of Cicely. And the ostrich farm line was pretty predictable. The part about the reincarnated dog was cute, though. Rated 5.

Jules & Joel -- Also a very predictable episode, but the end was pretty cute, for a holiday special episode. Rated 4/5.

Star Trek TNG - Redemption

Watching this, I kept thinking, 'Star Trek, Star Wars'... how much more I would have enjoyed watching this as a movie than I enjoyed the second set of Star Wars movies. Not that that's necessarily saying a lot. Those movies are mostly crap. But this two-part tv episode (coupled with the Sins of the Father episode and edited down) would have been just fine as a movie. Rated 2.

Roberto Benigni's Pinnochio

This film has always been described as legendarily bad. Yet, it was a huge hit in its homeland of Italy. To ensure that I wasn't just mis-judging it as a turd in translation, I took the extra effort to not only watch but to read the movie.
It started out quite well. The set design and production values are incredible. Clearly, a lot of love went into this grand vision. Apparently, Benigni dreamed of making this film for decades. ...and perhaps it may have worked with a Benigni thirty-five years younger. But the moment that Pinnochio was born... the word "creepy" isn't even adequate. Casting himself in the lead was the single largest, irreparable directorial mistake.
But besides the age factor (seemingly, he tries to counter this by casting creepy man-boys in all of the juvenile roles), Benigni imparts exactly zero pathos in the rascally imp. I remember reading the book when I was very young and having the impression that Pinnochio was merely naive and gullible. Benigni's Pinnochio is not simply mischievous, he is a complete jackass from the moment his tongue is carved. (Aside: How do people know that he is a puppet? Except for a thin layer of Data makeup and a stupid hat made of breadcrumbs[?!], he looks completely human. I don't get it.) I'll give that Gepetto feels some fatherly 'unconditional love', but how on Earth could the Blue Fairy possibly have that kind of affection for him? What a bunch of friggin' enablers. By the end of the film, I still don't believe that he has a good heart.
Oh -- and did I mention that this film is Rated G? Who on the MPAA made this decision? The old-school German Brothers Grimm? We witness a gruesome hanging to the death, a shark eating with effects more realistic than in "A Perfect Storm", and scary death-bunnies that would be more at home in a Terry Gilliam film. Not that I didn't *want* to see this character meet his demise (and *not* be reincarnated like some feral cat), but a pre-teen me probably would have had nightmares for weeks.
I feel dirty about it, but I do feel compelled give a lot of credit to the fantastic artistic design, however, and salvage Pinnochio's scraps of wood into something Rated 8.

Northern Exposure - Oy, Wilderness (Season 3)

Fleischman, your displaced city boy routine is getting old. You've been in Alaska for almost a year. We know that you hate it, but - since you're no longer fighting your assignment - you should be somewhat resigned to it, or at least understand a minimum about nature by now. (You took biology, right?) And importing Shelley's past seemed somewhat of a repeat, too. But even with those negatives, it still more or less worked. Excellent casting of Shelley's best friend. Rated 4.

Star Trek Voyager - The Omega Directive

...apparently more important than the Prime Directive.
Reminded me somewhat of Contact with its theme of science-as-religion. That being said, it's quite a spiritually movingly episode. Rated 2.

Simpsons - Season 7

Two Bad Neighbors
I wouldn't have found this as funny without knowing about the Simpson/Bush real-life feud. After the garage sale setup, the plot is more juvenile than usual. But it would be quite amusing if they reprized the rivalry with the new Bush regime. Rated 5

Scenes From Class Struggle in Springfield
Surely some very funny moments, but simply too tragic for me to enjoy in the least. So much sacrifice for an unnecessary naught. Rated 5/6.

Star Trek TNG - Sins of the Father

A very nice episode. I find the Klingon corruption even more disgusting than Worf. I wonder - besides fatness (and lack of honor), what makes a Klingon (un)attractive to another Klingon? Rated 2.

Simpsons - Team Homer (Season 7)

Judging on how little I remember from my viewing three days ago, this is just average for "Simpsons" (although still funnier than the average sitcom). I do really enjoy the couch gags in this season. (Rated 3/4)

Northern Exposure - Only You (Season 3)

I wasn't really excited by the plot thread involving O'Connell's needing glasses (made her out to be way too neurotic, and that is Fleischman territory), I enjoyed the story of Chris and his magic pheromones, in a charming tale of unrequited love. Even though you'd the love triangle line with Shelley/ Maurice/ Holling seems largely like something they got over in the first episode, the Rashomon parallel was hilarious. Rated 3.

Je commence - Les Miserables

It was a lazy weekend chez Goat, ripe for plentiful media consumption, not least of which being my beginning to read "Les Miserables" (Victor Hugo). I have to make a note so that I can gauge how long it takes me to plod through. At 900 pages (not including the lengthy preface and educational section), this baby is *still* abridged! It looks promising, though, that I will get through it eventually. The first book of the first book (there are five) was quite readable. I'm reading this in English because the thought of 900 pages in another language is just too much for me right now.
Interesting tidbit: I hadn't really noticed that Napoleon really only served as "Emperor" for 11 years. That's a whole lot of carnage/ effort for such a short reign. Jeez.

Northern Exposure - The Bumpy Road to Love (Season 3)

Cute, but rather sitcom-ish in its highly-stereotypical presentation of male-female relationships. (And why did I want to hear "have fun storming the castle!" at Fleischman's departure from Adam & Eve?) Oddly, this appears to be the final episode ever in the bibliographies of both of its writers. Rated 4/5.

Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister

I very much appreciate Gregory Maguire's genre, fleshing out two-dimensional fairy tales into their pre-distilled real-life incarnations.
During most of the book, though, I was thinking "eh, it's not as good as 'Wicked'." (The book, haven't seen the musical.) Confessions was ok, but I felt more affinity with a story about political activism, physical stereotype, and government corruption than I could about reformation-era Netherland society. Moving away from history into the realm of artistry and Art History, however, the prose blossomed in the final 25%, and I felt quite fulfilled by the final pages. Rated 3+.

Art Cars

When in Houston this summer, we visited the Art Car Museum, which had some very interesting exhibits. (I particularly liked the Abu Ghraib shadowboxes.) I also bought this book, and it proved inspirational. Worth every penny. (It's rare for me to purchase a book new.) Photos, tips, instructions, stories and histories, web sites listed neatly to consult... Of course, it makes me want to make an art car. (After the house mosaic.) This book is not high literature, but it's everything that it should be. Rated 2.

Simpsons Episodes, Season 7

King-Size Homer
Saw this last week and forgot to make note. A week later, I remember that I wasn't particularly impressed by this episode. For Homer to gain weight is not that original. The South Park episode where Cartman pretends that his weight gain is being buff is a much funnier concept. Rated 4

Mother Simpson
Good plot twisting and introduction of a new character. Rated 3

Sideshow Bob's Last Gleaming
I almost want to see an air show after this episode, although I doubt that I will laugh as hard.
Rated 3

138th Episode Spectacular
One of the most enjoyable clip shows I've seen. I enjoyed the Tracy Ullman clips as part of this, where I wouldn't be too interested in seeing them all together (although I would watch the Tracy Ullman show again).
Rated 2

Marge Be Not Proud
I am, apparently, a sucker for the feel-good family values episodes. Enough laughs to prevent from me from gagging. Rated 3

The Joy Luck Club

I heard of the movie before I heard of the book. Because I thought it would be some horrid chick-flick, I avoided the book for several years. When I finally read Amy Tan's "The Joy Luck Club", I was astounded to find a book that brought me to tears -- as hidden stories from past lives unfurled on the pages and found themselves reinterpreted in another generation, on another continent. Last week, I saw this VHS for a quarter (see the pattern?), recalled the book's beauty, and I decided that I had probably misinterpreted a commercial somewhere along the line.
As one of the mothers in the script would probably admonish, I should not doubt myself so.
It really is a chick flick. The super-sappy mother-daughter retch-bonding kind, complete with wretched treacly background music. (Killing me softly with her songs.) I seem to be the only one who feels this way, but I found (much of) the acting deplorable. Rather than empathizing with the daughters, I wanted to slap them. And the actors often appeared too young or too old as the story skipped through the decades.
Not a complete wash, the film did contain vestiges of the book's potent storytelling. Certain scenes were so powerful as to be almost too much to watch. But when the film's dominant thread picked up again, all was lost. (In the first scene, the protagonist doesn't understand Chinese, but she goes on to speak it fluently in China the next day?) Rated 6/7.

F*** (the Movie)

Amusing documentary in a preaching-to-the-choir way, but not very effective (or creative) as a documentary. With the variety of interviews lined up, they could have asked some good questions and presented some good points. Instead they just poked fun at anybody who doesn't like to hear "F***" shouted in the street, like normal folks do. I'm all about free speech, and I *firmly* believe that "it's not the word, it's how you say it". (My swearing is foreign gibberish is usually more severe than when I blurt 'the F word'.) Such an attitude was alluded to, but they chose not to pursue it, opting instead for more "if you don't like free speech, F*** you!" lines of discussion. "Scarface" and "Saving Private Ryan" were used as examples of censored obscenity, yet the acceptability of the violence vs the spoken word was never touched... instead, they chose to edit eye-rolling whenever a conservative pundit expressed his view. Rated 5/6.

Northern Exposure - Season 2 Finale

I think I started watching "Northern Exposure" in its third season, but I knew that what happened in this episode was going to happen... just not sure how. Funny, but a bit sitcom-corny. Rated 3/4.

Star Trek Enterprise - Pilot

I'll try not to be too harsh here. I understand that it is common in the Star Trek franchise for a series to take several seasons to find its groove. (Word on the street is that the first season of ST:TNG is mostly unwatchable, and that series turned out just fine.)
From the moment I opened my ears, I just knew that this Enterprise pilot is not going to be good. The theme is *horrifically* bad, and completely new background music would have greatly improved the viewing experience.
The good: I enjoyed a few of the scientific plot points, and the special effects were quite good, especially for television. As a linguistics aficionado, I appreciated the communications plotline, and I'll give benefit of the doubt that they flesh out the translator character (because she certainly seemed expendable here).
The bad: The characters' uber-Ugly American swagger (and the implication that such an attitude is what it means to be human. ) *really* annoyed me. (I will suspend disbelief on the premise that America is still the dominating superpower in 2151.) With so much testosterone on board (and the sexy Vulcan T'Pol reprising 7 of 9's role as eye candy), the show seemed geared toward high school jocks, which is so *not* the audience Star Trek folks should expect. I understand that this series takes place before the Federation, but how on Earth did that ignorant yokel make it on board such an exclusive mission? Do we not evolve between now and 2151? Rated 5.

Garage Sale America

As a proud "Second Hand Rose" and garage sale fanatic, I simply had to have this book. It was OK, but not as exciting as I thought it might be. The description describes what it is. It doesn't hold many surprises beyond. More pages should have been devoted to describing his journeys, encounters, and finds than to listing major garage sale extravaganzas that may be out of date by next season. (It'd be nice to take one of those trips, though. *sigh*) I did enjoy the section on his interior decorating. (A single male middle-age designer in the Catskills who is proud to have a toy chest labeled "Butch" in the bedroom for the child he never had? How much more obvious about the author could we be?) Rated 4/5.

Northern Exposure - War & Peace (Season 2)

The Russophilia in this episode reminded me too much of James Michener's book "Poland". I could have played a drinking game reading that novel and gone through bottles of vodka with a sip for every time a character opined in the vein of how Chopin's music makes the soul fly with its grand Polish glory. I like Chopin well enough, but that made me gag. In this episode, the scenario seemed somewhat implausible, and the Russian karaoke scenes were too obviously dubbed. The storyline became so ridiculous that they had to break of the fourth wall to escape. Seemed cheap. Rated 5.

Simpsons - Treehouse of Horror VI (Season 7)

Why have I not seen you before? (I was in Germany that year - oh yeah.) You made me laugh and laugh and laugh with three fantastic story lines: animated advertisements, Groundskeeper Willie as Nightmare-Freddy, and Twilight Zone Homer in 3D land. You will most likely earn a Rated 1 when I have seen you again. Rated 2 - until we meet again.

Northern Exposure - Spring Break (Season 2)

I would normally consider it a problem when a show rehashes the same theme many times, and Northern Exposure explores how each and every Alaskan climate change affects Cicely's citizens. It's a credit to the writers that this does not get old quick. In this episode, the weather in question is the annual thawing of the ice. The writers on this show must have a very active dream life. Rated 3.

Robin Hood - Prince of Thieves

I saw this in the theatre when it came out. We got very bored in Ohio, so I saw a lot of crap as a teen. A lot. Still, I probably considered this to be a fair movie at the time.
As a teen, I did not yet know the glorious voice of Alan Rickman, so I paid a quarter for this VHS to relive his performance.
For the first 15 minutes, I did not remember anything about the movie, and I thought that it might be better than I had anticipated, despite my apprehension that whenever I think of the annoying "magic negro" convention I think of Morgan Freeman in this movie.
Then Kevin Costner started to speak.
Whenever I think of Kevin Costner, I think of some ditzy rich twins from Georgia I temped with back in Ohio. They thought he was dreamy, and I never could understand why. Overpowered by his weasely appearance, I forgot that he also can't act. Whoa, was this bad. And his wasn't even the worst acting in the film.
When the love story kicked in, things got even worse. Classic story of a capable woman transformed into a helpless pretty thing. Gag-o-rama.
The film culminates in a glorious wedding rape scene. The Sheriff is so evil that he will force a marriage (to ensure the purity of the act) and then sexually perform, in a church, in front of an old witch and a priest, because the maid is ripe for his seed. That's a dedication to Evil that only scriptwriters can produce.
Fortunately, much of the movie consisted of lame filler battle scenes, through which I could fast-forward (until Rickman would appear).
During the hour that I actually endured, I caught two instances where a kick to the groin was intended to provide comic relief.
This was not merely bad, it was really bad. Rated 8.

Time Bandits

I am a big Python fan, and I adore Gilliam's style. Lately, however, I've found his movies to be lacking... something. Perhaps I'm losing my sense of fantasy in my old age, or maybe I see the ragged edges of creation (staging) too acutely since studying film. Possibly I can't get all that into a film that lacks any female characters (fluffy cameos by Shelley Duvall and Mona from "Who's the Boss" withstanding). Possibly I was not blown away by the dwarves' acting. Am I being too critical of the obvious cheapness of the special effects, or have I seen Gilliam recycle the same Middle Ages theme once too often? Still, better than average. Having a soundtrack by George Harrison didn't hurt. Rated 4.

Little Miss Sunshine

Little Miss Overrated. Better than average (4), but barely. I did laugh -- twice. All too pat in the family's disfunctionality. Reminded me a lot of another Kinnear vehicle, "As Good as it Gets", in its mediocrity. The whole culmination scene was entirely implausible. Did they not see her routine (and her non-beautyqueenness) at the local level? Yawn. The little girl won an Oscar for this? Really?

Simpsons - 2 Episodes (Season 7)

What a joyous hour of television!
"Bart Sells His Soul"
This episode perfectly balances Bart's mischievous ways with the sweetness of the Simpson family. The meanderings of the plot line amazes me.
"Lisa Becomes a Vegetarian"
It's not just because the McCartneys guest star, and it's not just because my experiences as a freak child vegetarian in Ohio so closely reflect those of Lisa in this episode that this episode has got to be one of my faves. I don't remember the last time I laughed so hard (especially at the baby amusement park).
Both episodes Rated 1
.

Star Trek Voyager - Flashback

Does anybody else out there think "Shakur" when they hear someone call for the Vulcan "Tuvac"?
I enjoyed how this episode showed another person's perspective of a previous episode - in this case, Star Trek 6. Reminded me of the cooler elements of "Lost". I was also fascinated by the notion of a memory as a virus. (At first, of course, I suspected that the ship chef had slipped a little LDS into Tuvac's drink.) Rated 2.

Bill Maher - 9/23 Episode

I won't bother to rate late-night/ interview or reality tv shows, but I'll make notes. Bill Maher rocks. Guests: Salman Rushdie - you seem to rock, even though I didn't make it through 'The Satanic Verses"). Rob Thomas - I didn't know who you were, and I still don't. Janine Garofolo - Is she sniffing coke? I'll discount the silly-looking tats, and I'll take the babbling brook of her stream of consciousness, but that girl has got way too thin (and she was rubbing her nose a lot, and pouting her lips). Seriously, has she had plastic surgery? She looks like a completely different person. And not in the aging naturally/ gracefully way. It was distracting.

Dead Like Me - 2 Episodes (Season 2)

Two episodes at a time is the most I can handle of "Dead Like Me". With a break inbetween. It's very well-done, and I tend to feel verklempt by the end of each episode. I don't need a video to remind me of the tenuous nature of mortality, but at least this show has enough humor to get me through. (I never could watch "Six Feet Under".) Solid 2/3 for these two episodes.
"Send in the Clown" (Having a daughter, this was almost too much to bear.)
"The Ledger" (If I were the child of divorce, this probably would have been a double-header of tears.)

Rufus Wainwright as Judy Garland in the Hollywood Bowl

I deeply enjoy Rufus' sound and was quite intrigued by the theme of this ambitious production, so I've been looking forward all summer to this concert.
This was the last in a series of Garland tributes, and you'd think that Rufus would have established the vocal ranges and have practiced the heck out of the high notes to make them bright and polished and worthy of Ms. Garland's fabulous memory. ...but... Don't get me wrong - it was quite an enjoyable concert, and the music was grand. There were simply too many episodes of voice cracking and lyric forgetting to meet my expectations. (This is the Hollywood Bowl, not the Knitting Factory.) I also expected more emotion in his voice and performance, but the performance was marred too often by vampy "look - I'm a gay guy performing Judy Garland!" type of sentiment to be as sincere as it ought to have been. Surprisingly, the drag costumes Rufus donned in the encore actually helped the situation. With the costume making the statement, Rufus' performances were freed to be more real.
I'd give this a '4' (better than average) were it not for the amazing performance of "Stormy Weather" by Rufus' sister, Martha Wainwright. There's something in her voice that could possibly grate on me, but her performance was so full of honest emotion that I rather wanted her to continue the concert herself. I also appreciated the surprisingly refreshing appearance of Judy Garland's (not Liza) daughter, Lorna Luft, and by Rufus' mother on piano. The concert is bumped up when judged as a family affair, rated 3.

Northern Exposure - Two Episodes (Season 2)

"All Is Vanity"
The circumcision storyline is hilarious. I don't understand, however, why Fleischman would be shocked at Cicely's handling of death, as there was a death in a previous episode. Nevertheless, I can' t believe I laughed so much at a TV (comedic) drama. (Rated 2)

"What I Did For Love"
O'Connell has visions of Fleischman dying in a plane crash. I enjoy the surreal dream flashbacks.
(Rated 3)

Viewing these two episodes in tandem was kind of spooky, with the former containing a sonnet read at my wedding and the latter featuring our (relatively obscure) first dance song.

Epic Movie

I think I expected more from a cast including Kal Penn, Fred Willard, Crispin Glover, and Kevin McDonald. The movie had a few laughs, but mostly very fleeting, based on impressive makeup/ prop recreations. The pop culture references needed to move much faster and be more cohesive to be effective. The movie in general would have been funnier if it hadn't relied on the same tired joke throughout the movie: Wow, isn't it inappropriate to juxtapose rebellious hip-hop references with a blockbuster family film?! Tumnus' "Cribs" was a great starting point, but it should have moved on from there. Alas. On the bright side, I didn't necessarily feel as though I wasted 80 minutes of my life. I rate this a "5", because the opposite of "good" isn't "bad", it's "neutral"... I'll probably forget this movie in a few months.

Goat Media Review

I wanted to start this blog last month, after finishing Zora Neale Hurston's novel "Their Eyes Were Watching God". That book was one of the best I have read probably in years, and I decided that I should actually keep track of the media I consume, before my impressions are fogged by time.

(The book's appeal reminded me of "The Sopranos" -- not in any plot points or characters or atmosphere, but in the way that it defies stereotype. Both "shows" took the cache of characters and scenarios that I'm used to encounter in mafia movies and black novels, respectively, and just when I thought they would kick in... they didn't. And not self-consciously so, but freshly so. Beautiful.)

So, this blog will attempt to capture my general impressions. I will try to be brief. I will probably refer to my "9-point" bell-curve scale, which I originated for rating films but can easily transfer:

1) Great Film (Requires at least two viewings to achieve this rating, but I'll probably make exceptions for books, since it's unlikely I'll read a book twice in any reasonable span of time.)
2)Good Movie
3) Enjoyable Flick
4) Better than average
5) Neutral
6)Worse than average
7) Bad
8) Really bad
9) Godawful