Roberto Benigni's Pinnochio

This film has always been described as legendarily bad. Yet, it was a huge hit in its homeland of Italy. To ensure that I wasn't just mis-judging it as a turd in translation, I took the extra effort to not only watch but to read the movie.
It started out quite well. The set design and production values are incredible. Clearly, a lot of love went into this grand vision. Apparently, Benigni dreamed of making this film for decades. ...and perhaps it may have worked with a Benigni thirty-five years younger. But the moment that Pinnochio was born... the word "creepy" isn't even adequate. Casting himself in the lead was the single largest, irreparable directorial mistake.
But besides the age factor (seemingly, he tries to counter this by casting creepy man-boys in all of the juvenile roles), Benigni imparts exactly zero pathos in the rascally imp. I remember reading the book when I was very young and having the impression that Pinnochio was merely naive and gullible. Benigni's Pinnochio is not simply mischievous, he is a complete jackass from the moment his tongue is carved. (Aside: How do people know that he is a puppet? Except for a thin layer of Data makeup and a stupid hat made of breadcrumbs[?!], he looks completely human. I don't get it.) I'll give that Gepetto feels some fatherly 'unconditional love', but how on Earth could the Blue Fairy possibly have that kind of affection for him? What a bunch of friggin' enablers. By the end of the film, I still don't believe that he has a good heart.
Oh -- and did I mention that this film is Rated G? Who on the MPAA made this decision? The old-school German Brothers Grimm? We witness a gruesome hanging to the death, a shark eating with effects more realistic than in "A Perfect Storm", and scary death-bunnies that would be more at home in a Terry Gilliam film. Not that I didn't *want* to see this character meet his demise (and *not* be reincarnated like some feral cat), but a pre-teen me probably would have had nightmares for weeks.
I feel dirty about it, but I do feel compelled give a lot of credit to the fantastic artistic design, however, and salvage Pinnochio's scraps of wood into something Rated 8.