MST3K - Eegah

This has to be the worst film I have ever seen, taking over the spot previously occupied by "The Big Hit". At least I can see *why* somebody would go to see "The Big Hit", even though it is a heaping turd of a film. Perhaps they like Mr. Wahlberg, or they like special effects, or they think that it is effective as a parody... After several days of contemplation, however, I can find absolutely no redeeming qualities to "Eegah". I honestly don't see why anybody would ever watch it, except maybe the (uglier than the caveman) male protagonist's mother. (His father already directed, produced, and starred in it, which explains how it got made.) Never would watching this film be an act of free will. Never, ever, ever. Rated 9.

The Right Stuff

I didn't realize until I went to the Houston Space Center this past summer just how far behind we were in the Space Race. I grew up thinking that our space program was a crowning achievement in our glory. So, watching this, I'm wondering why the Russians don't have a movie called "The Righter Stuff". They were always one step ahead of us, until the moon landing. (I now also understand why there are so many conspiracies about that.) As if my patriotism isn't weak enough.
As I occasionally do, I had problems watching this movie. Too many guys who look alike. I can't keep track. Except for the blond John Glenn. My illustrious former-senator must have had input on the script, as this movie canonized him, while portraying the other astronauts as supremely flawed (but still good old American heroes!). I also didn't necessarily understand what Yeager had to do with anything. His story was interesting (perhaps more so than the other guys'), but without his side-story the film would not have lasted 3 hours.
Still, the film was far better than average. Good suspense (although manly jokes are pretty weak) 3/4.

Cirque du Soleil - Love

This could have been a "1". Coulda, woulda, shoulda. Didn't. The music is *incredible*, and not just because it is The Beatles. The creativity of the remix and the stereo experience is a true feat of genius. The scenic design is superbly complex. The show itself has awe-inspiring moments. (When "Good Night" popped from the darkness, tears almost came to my eyes.) ...but there are also a few superfluous, unoriginal numbers. Too many dancing galoshes. The trampoline act is the same as the skater act (which was cool, but not enough for a reprise). The other Cirque show I saw years ago was much more gymnastic/ athletic and varied. I hear that they tweak all the time, though, and I'd see it again (if I were rich). Rated 2-

Simpsons - Season 7

Bart on the Road - I remember my best friend having a poster of that big Space Needle, and when I see this episode, I actually want to see it. I bet it's not there anymore, huh? 4+

22 Short Films about Springfield - Nice floating twists and turns. And I like "Pulp Fiction" references. 2-.

Raging Abe Simpson - Fairly forgettable, but violently so. 4-.

Much Apu About Nothing - I love the PhD punch card gag. An apparently timeless plotline. 3+

Homerpalooza - Have I mentioned how I don't care if Homer's fatness is exaggerated, or if he is beat up? A lot of good gags, though. Like shooting fish in a barrel. 2-.

Simpsons - Season 8

Treehouse of Horror VII - I especially like "The Genesis Tub", but I've seen "Citizen Kang" one too many times. 2-

You Only Move Twice - This goes up in rank as I learn more useless Bond trivia. 2-

The Homer They Fall - I believe I've mentioned how I don't care when Homer gets fat or beat up. 4+

Burns, Baby Burns - And I care even less about Rodney Dangerfield. 4

Bart After Dark - Maybe I'd care more if I had seen "The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas". 4

A Milhouse Divided - Homer actually does something sweet without f***ing up. Lots of funny gags related to Milhouse's mom. Poor Milhouse. 3+.

Lisa's Date With Density - Hard to go wrong when you start with a "Back to the Future" pun. Plot slightly pat, but fun. 3-.

Hurricane Neddy - eh. 4

The New World

What better way to get the horrid taste of cinepoo from your mouth than with a cool draught of Christian Bale? The movie is very European in its pacing... which means "slow". I have an internal struggle with such films, as my life never runs at such a pace. If people talked and reacted like this in real life around me, I would sit there rotating my hand... "yeessss? come ON already!" But a stream of stunning cinematography and delicate plot layering lead me through with little complaint. The story was well-thought-out and lovely, the acting was sensual, and the title was as deep and multi-faceted as the characters (even - gasp! - the leading lady). Rated 2-.

The Fast & The Furious 3: Tokyo Drift

Right on the heels of "The Phantom Menace", I'm forced to trod through this turd. (And somehow I doubt that I missed any important points in the second installation of the series.) In its favor, I rather enjoyed the soundtrack. And some of the cinematography and special effects were very impressive in their styling. I could even (try to) overlook how female characters serve as vapid arm candy chattel, if that were my main complaint. But the "acting" ranks as some of the *worst* I have ever experienced. I was absolutely shocked to hear that the lead male has multiple credits to his name. He makes Mark Wahlberg look like Olivier. At least "The Phantom Menace" tried to follow a cohesive thread of plot (albeit a boring one). Rated 8-.

Rifftrax: The Phantom Menace

As a Star Wars afficionado, I remember waiting for this movie to come out. (I even liked the 'new, improved' versions of the original series at the time.) The reviews were tepid, and money was tight, and it was still a big deal for me to pay the big bucks to see the film at the Ziegfield Theater in NYC. As they say, the journey is more important than the destination... particularly so in the case of this film. Embarrassingly bad. But when you add the talent of the folks from MST3K to the mix, you get me willing to waste another two hours of my life. Thanks to Rifftrax, at least I had fun at the destination. But I had forgotten just *how bad* the movie really is. I mean, it had the velocity to stop my decades of enjoyment of the entire franchise: Rated 8. And that may be tinged with generosity. (Why does nobody else seem to note how Lucas stole JarJar's pathetic shtick from "Full House's" Stephanie Tanner?)

Star Trek Misc Klingon

Barge of the Dead - Star Trek does religious investigation well. Exploring the inner conflict between science and mythology always proves as interesting a journey as finding new lands. Or maybe it's just me. 2-

A Matter of Honor - All the force where it should be, all the jokes where they belong, and an all-around enjoyable episode. A bit cliche in the concept, but well-executed. 3+

The Sword of Kahless - One ring to rule them all! Now, with 99% less hugging. 3-

Misc Star Trek Enterprise

Judgement - Neither inventive nor original, but not as annoying as that first episode. The writing could have been better to make the lawyer's quick turn-around more believable. Rated 5-.

These are the V0yages - The final episode, and I didn't miss out on anything from not having seen the series. Probably because it is more like a ST:TNG episode. Which makes it better. Even though the actors are obviously ten years older. Rated 4+

First Flight - Flashback of schmalzy testosteresque good ol' boy nostalgia. Still not as annoying as the first episode, and at least the camera didn't focus on T'Pol's breasts the entire time she was on screen. Rated 5.

Garden Junk

I have several books about garage sales, "creative" interior decoration, functional "recycling", etc. But this book lives up to its name. When she says "junk", this lady means rusty old chairs, old wooden crap with peeling paint, natty painting reproductions, and the like. All of the shabby, none of the chic. Shabby chic is not my style, but I could at least find some redeeming qualities in this book if it detailed some creative uses for ugly crap. This book, however, consists mostly of pictures of crappy crap piled on crappy tables in various areas of this lady's junk-filled yard (affectionately dubbed "The Garden Hutte", but with no whimsy to follow). The sparse text goes something like this: "Can you believe I paid $50 for this rusty old wheelbarrow? I have thirty of them, but I can always use another! I can't believe I passed one by in 1982 at my favorite salvage store!" No, I can't believe that you *took* that rustbucket into your yard, and that you have no more creative ideas for it than to collect some rusty watering cans in it. And this book has others in its series? Oyyy, this lady knows somebody important to be so well-published.... Very rare to see this: Rated 9.